hummussexual:

BY SANA ⋅ FEBRUARY 12, 2012 

Since the outbreak of revolution/uprising/road to 2012 in Tunisia over a year ago, several tropes have emerged in the never ending discussion of the painfully and problematically referenced ‘Arab Spring.’ From rationalizing the perceived sudden burst of people power to the question of foreign military bombardment, subjects for incessant publishing opportunities on the topic cease to be scarce. In more recent months, however, one particular trope has the caught the attention of many journalists: the Salafis. Here are some tips for you wannabe-published folks out there.

Egypt —- A young girl, left, behind a curtain where women have to sit watches a boy hand out election material during a campaign event for Egypt’s Salafist al-Nour party prior to parliamentary elections in the Giza neighborhood in Cairo, Egypt. —- Image by Shawn Baldwin/Corbis 12/6/2011

1. Don’t be silly in portraying and offering a gradient on opinion and approach when it comes to these literalists; it is commonly accepted and known that all Salafis think and act the same in every respect. If vertically blessed facial hair and God talk are involved, the title of ‘Salafi’ is a good enough moniker for all future reference.
2. In reference to the above point, never refer to the Salafi in question by name, always refer to him as ‘The Salafi’ or some variant of that (i.e. ‘the Salafi member of Parliament’ etc). Mentioning the name once is fine, but focus on the ideologically derived noun-adjective please.
3. And yes, they seldom exist in the female form. If women are seen with a Salafi, they are the mehram decor equivalent of a doormat. But a doormat kept inside the house. Not outside. Haram.
4. ‘Salafist’ is a good replacement for ‘Salafi’ if you want a realpolitik feel to your article. It can also be interchanged with ‘Islamist’ if you wish to further destroy any breadth of nuance you may otherwise have somewhat unknowingly been providing.
5. Muslim Brotherhood is Salafi. Al Qaeda is Salafi. Saudis are Salafi. Muslims who wish to not participate in Christmas are Salafi. Any Muslim offering dissent on the structures that currently govern the contemporary geopolitical status quo by offering a worldview ridden with a different ideology or ethos is a Salafi. There’s your crash course in identifying Salafis – go, have fun.
6. Make mention of his beard once as either a descriptive measure or, preferably, the primary proof of his demonic nature.
7. Sufis are the cool ones. They, too, exist in a non-nuanced vacuum and can often be found at White House dinners, in the Huffington Post or in white liberal journalists’ Twitterfeeds.
8. Always use a picture of a man or a group of men with beards who, as it is always extremely preferable, are screaming/shouting with excessive hand movements. If you can find a covered woman in the background, then +1. If you find a scantily clad woman in the foreground then+2.
9. Even if it’s just a cough, make sure to make it into a breaking news story that underscores the impending Salafist takeover of something or other. Oh, and the return of the Caliphate. That too.
10. Be ready to accept any absurd rumor about a random, unknown ‘Salafi’ as true and propagate it as such to prove the point that they are all, indeed, cray cray.
11. Just write something like this guy’s last few paragraphs and you’re well on your way to being published.
12. …and don’t write this.